Only A Winchester
by A Frumious Bandersnatch
Summary: Three's Family AU. Oneshots. Everything from Wee!Chesters to grown adults. Slices of life and all the moments in between.-New Chapter: Starry Night.
1. Ho Ho Ho

**A/N:** Apparently, working overtime still gives me too much time to think.

Part of the Three's Family AU.

**Disclaimer:** I sincerely doubt Eric Kripke would give the boys a sister, so you can safely assume that I'm not Eric Kripke.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Only A Winchester<span>**

Ho Ho Ho

It was Christmas Eve and the Winchesters sure as hell weren't going to celebrate. John had drunk himself into oblivion all day, unable to find a Hunt, and he was currently passed out on the floor, just shy of the couch. Dean was indulging in a rather perverted Christmas tradition. He had taken the empty beer cans and punched holes in the bottoms. He was stringing them together, humming something with a fast beat and using his snoring father as a foot-rest. Occasionally, he paused to sniff the air with a big smile, because Elizabeth had an apple pie in the oven.

Accepting that this Christmas wasn't going to deviate from the norm, Sam didn't bother with trying. He just swung his legs over the surface of the table, slumped a little and reread one of his favorite books. His family would get their presents of gas station candy in the morning, unwrapped.

"Here Sam." Elizabeth slid a plate of Hostess cupcakes across the table towards his knees. "Have some ho-ho-hos."

"My..." Sam trailed off, looking confusedly between his sister and the cakes. "Isn't it just 'ho-ho'?"

"No, see there's three of them. So it's 'ho-ho-ho'." Elizabeth explained. She grinned. "Ho ho ho. Get it? Huh? Never mind, I'm gonna check on the pie."

"Just bring it out here. Don't bother with plates." Dean instructed, hardly looking up as he threaded another beer can onto the line.

"No way." Elizabeth said with a snort. "It's Christmas Eve. We're gonna try to be civilized."

"So there'll be forks this time?" Sam deadpanned.

"Absolutely." Elizabeth nodded emphatically. "Also, Dean? Stop using Dad as a foot-rest."

* * *

><p>-0-<p> 


	2. Camping

**A/N:** Darn work, still giving me too much time to think. I've had this poking at me all day, so enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I sincerely doubt Eric Kripke would give the boys a sister, so you can safely assume that I'm not Eric Kripke.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Only a Winchester<span>**

Camping

John tested the doorknob, wincing a little when it squeaked, but it turned freely. Unlocked. He tsked. Sloppy, sloppy. Salt lines wouldn't deter your average human home invader.

He flung the door open and bellowed: "GOOD MORNING!"

Sam would have to be credited for his quick reaction, though it would have been far more effective if he had jumped up, instead off to the side (and right off the bed). John saw the quick silvery flash of Dean's knife emerging from its hiding spot before Elizabeth's pillow smacked him square in the face.

Sloppy on locking the doors but excellent reaction time.

"Oh... It's you." Elizabeth fell back from her offensive posture.

"What the hell, Dad?" Dean wondered.

"Good morning." John repeated in a much more mellow, but still very pleasant tone. "I thought we'd start off a little early today."

All three of his kids glanced to the window, where the sun wasn't even on the horizon. They all responded to the proposal by groaning loudly and slumping in defiance like the teenagers they were. Whenever their father got them up before the sun, it meant he had something truly diabolical in mind.

"What are you complaining about? Kids your age hardly ever get to do what I have planned!" John said jovially.

"That's 'cause kids our age don't have dads like you." Sam pointed out. He frowned. "Dad, are you feeling alright? You're-_-_ happy."

"Yeah, you are." Dean agreed. He peered sideways at his broadly smiling father. "_Christo_."

Dean would admit to himself that he was kind of disappointed that his father's eyes did not turn black and that smile definitely did not go away. If John was possessed, then there would have been a good explanation for his unusual mood.

"What, I can't wake up in a good mood once in a while?" John inquired lightly. He didn't wake up in a good mood very often, sure, but it was known to happen. "I have something very special planned for you kids."

"Twenty mile run uphill both ways barefoot in the snow?" Elizabeth muttered dryly.

"No, better." John said brightly. "We're going camping!"

* * *

><p>To be continued?...<p> 


	3. Not Supposed To

**A/N:** It's a new year, the snow is falling, the holidays are over and- oh yes, new episode of Supernatural this Friday.

**Disclaimer:** I sincerely doubt Eric Kripke would give the boys a sister, so you can safely assume that I'm not Eric Kripke.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Only a Winchester<span>**

Not Supposed To

* * *

><p>"Don't scratch my car, don't wreck my car-<em>-<em>"

"Dean?"

"Don't mess with the radio, don't hide my tapes-_-_"

"Dean."

"Don't have sex in my car-_-_"

"Dean! For the last time, I swear upon my pride and honor as a Winchester that I will bring back the Impala as good as new with a full tank." Sam promised, holding up his right hand.

Dean did not look assured and it was with great reluctance that he surrendered the keys.

_Finally!_ Sam thought he would never get away from the long-winded lecture of Impala Care 101. He didn't want to be late to pick up Rachel. This was only senior prom.

"Wait!" Elizabeth surged up off the couch where she had been watching the show. "Sam, take this."

"What is that?" Sam asked.

"Condom." Elizabeth replied, waggling the foil packet.

Sam knew it was a condom. He just didn't know his sister was trying to give it to him.

"I always keep one on me, so the guy can't make up some shit. Always better to be prepared."

"I'm not going to have sex with Rachel." Sam grumbled.

"What's the point of taking a girl to dinner and dancing if you can't get a little somethin'-somethin'?" Dean asked, waggling his eyebrows in an obscene echo of the waggling foil packet.

"Just take it, okay?" Elizabeth stuffed the condom into the front pocket of Sam's rented tux before he could protest. "And this."

This time, she tried to hand him a bottle of lube.

"Y'know, in case she likes the back door."

Sam stormed out with an angry: "Sisters aren't supposed to do that!"

* * *

><p>-0-<p> 


	4. Dueling Violins

**A/N:** So I thought to myself: Elizabeth needs a hobby or some kind of habit. I didn't want to give her a substance dependency or something that was otherwise destructive. So I thought: Why not give her a constructive hobby/habit? Winchesters don't have many of those. It would be a nice way of evening out the scales.

Now I don't know much about stringed instruments (I'm a woodwind player myself with a short-lived experience in brass.), but I think I know enough to get by. It's not like I'm going into great detail, but I have been considering a story that revolves around Elizabeth's talent and skill at playing the violin.

**Disclaimer:** I sincerely doubt Eric Kripke would give the boys a sister, so you can safely assume that I'm not Eric Kripke. (I also wouldn't kill Bobby. Seriously, not cool.)

* * *

><p><strong><span>Dueling Violins<span>**

"Dude! Sam, guess what!" His room-mate burst through the door, red and breathless with laughter. "Y'know Kim, that Korean violin snob? He totally got his ass handed to him! It was great!"

Sam looked up from the hefty volume of law he was holding, sheer curiosity getting the better of him.

"What happened?"

The room-mate hastened to explain.

"Okay, there was this chick, right? Think she's a new student, but anyways! She's got a violin and she was out practicing near where Kim goes every day. I missed the first part, but they got into this total pissing match about who was better and started like, y'know dueling violins. They were both really good. Anyways, I think Kim won and the chick says something like, she didn't feel too bad about losing to a guy who can play two violins at once because of the second bow up his ass!"

The room-mate doubled over laughing and then ran out to go tell someone else. But Sam just had this really sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure _why_, because they couldn't be _here_, but that didn't stop the sinking feeling.

Then his mobile rang. Caller ID: Dean.

Well, crap.

"Is this about the pissing match with the violin snob?" Sam asked upon answering.

"_Heheh, heard about that already, huh Sammy._"

"My room-mate thought it was the funniest damn thing he'd ever seen. He couldn't wait to tell me."

"_It was pretty damn funny. Liz had the guy on the ropes. I think she let him win 'cause she didn't want him getting all pissy. I mean, man he was an ass. Liz totally handed it to him no matter. He kept goin' on about how he had six years of experience and bein' the best in his class and then Liz totally ripped out 'Flight of the Bumblebee' with some serious funk rubbed on it. Never heard 'Flight of the Bumblebee' played like that!_"

Sam frowned, bemused. "You've heard 'Flight of the Bumblebee'? Dean, isn't that a little uh... outside your tastes?"

"_Yeah, but dude... Our sis is __**good**__. No one can appreciate how good she is until you see her fingers flyin' over the strings. Y'know, she's been playin' for the last thirteen years, but I think I just now started to really notice that's she wicked good._"

"Well, she had to learn to play by ear, since sheet music is kinda pricey." Sam pointed out. "She can play a ton of radio jingles and every goddamn song from every single cassette you and Dad own. Hell, I was impressed when she transposed 'Kashmir' onto the violin."

"_That was awesome... Look, she kinda took off after telling the violin snob he had a stick up his ass and he wanted to punch her, but she didn't wanna risk getting her violin smashed, so she's gone. I can't find her. I need her on this because we've been tracking a cursed item over two state lines and now I'm just pissed at it._"

"That explains what you're doing at Stanford."

"_This thing's nasty, Sammy. We're pretty sure it's in the auditorium and I kinda need Liz to get us in there._"

"Gotcha. And I'll let you know if I hear from her."

"_Awesome._"

* * *

><p>-0-<p> 


	5. Google It, Noob

**A/N:** This is the result of an idea that's been festering in my head. The plotbunny: After Sam and Dean cut communications in the summer of '03, Dean and Elizabeth head south into Georgia where they meet a bluegrass band. Something happens to the band's violinist (mundane or supernatural) and Elizabeth feels responsible, so she takes over the violinists place in that band that night. The performance is phenomenal and the band wants her to stay for the rest of their summer tour. In a moment of rebellion, Elizabeth and Dean decide to stick around.

What d'ya think? Think it's got staying power?

(Takes place just after the Sam/Dean(/Elizabeth) reunion scene in the pilot.)

**Disclaimer:** I sincerely doubt Eric Kripke would give the boys a sister, so you can safely assume that I'm not Eric Kripke. (Yay! Hallucifer is back!)

* * *

><p><strong><span>Google it, Noob<span>**

"_Jess, excuse us. We have to go outside."_

Sam was wise enough to get some actual clothes on before he went to argue with his brother and sister in the privacy of the outdoors. No way was he stepping out in just his boxers and a t-shirt, so he hurried to get some pants and a hoodie on. He was struggling with his shoes when he returned to the kitchen and found the strangest thing occurring.

Jess was talking a mile a minute:

"_-_-absolutely love your music! _Fairground Soldier_ and _Jokes Are Out To Trick You_ are two of my favorites! You sounded brilliant on those solos! I had no idea you were related to Sam! He's tone-deaf, he's not musical at all! I never would guessed for a second! I'm so excited that I got the chance to meet you!-_-_"

Dean looked downright amused and perhaps slightly embarrassed. Elizabeth had a pen in one hand and an open CD case in the other and she appeared to be signing the booklet.

"You're lucky. I wasn't one for autographs." she said. "Special favor, 'cause you like my brother."

She handed the CD back to Jess, who took it covetously and held it protectively to her chest.

"Thank you so much." she said. She hesitated for a second, then threw her arms around Elizabeth in a bear hug. Dean's face shifted to jealousy for half a second. _I wanna get hugged by the hot chick._ His expression was saying.

Sam cleared his throat loudly.

Jess jumped back from Elizabeth like she had been zapped and made a coughing noise. Elizabeth looked vaguely embarrassed and absently smoothed down her shirt. Sam raised his eyebrows curiously. Jess blushed a light pink, threw a deliriously happy grin at the Winchester sister and just about pranced away, past her boyfriend and back to the bedroom. All the while she clutched the CD to her chest like it was made of gold.

Sam looked back at his siblings. Elizabeth coughed. Dean grinned.

"What was that?" Sam wondered.

"Georgia Devil. Google it, noob." Dean suggested.

* * *

><p>-0-<p> 


	6. Shameless

**A/N:** This is based on a recent development for me and it just seemed perfect for Elizabeth. She's gotta balance out all that manly testosterone somehow.

And why yes, I have read "Cupcakes".

Occurs during 6.12 Like A Virgin.

**Disclaimer:** I sincerely doubt Eric Kripke would give the boys a sister, so you can safely assume that I'm not Eric Kripke.

* * *

><p><strong>Shameless<br>**

It was only to be expected.

Sam and Dean were brothers. Two grown dominant territorial adult males who couldn't get away from each other if their lives depended on it. They fought over everything like brawling alley cats. Sometimes the arguments were very serious and they came to blows. Most of the time, however, it was just petty, pointless bickering arguments. That was part of being brothers.

_But it hadn't even been twelve hours!_

Elizabeth had known that everything was going to be okay when she stepped into the study and Sam barreled into her like a freight train. A big muscly freight train with enormous puppy dog eyes and a bad case of morning breath. She'd barely been able to get her arms around him to hug him back, but yeah. Sam had his soul back. Everything was okay.

Everything had gone back to normal.

That is to say, Sam and Dean were arguing again. It was the petty, pointless bickering arguing that was all part of being brothers. What they were arguing about this time could have been anything from Sam taking the last slice of pie to Dean writing dirty limericks on post-it notes and leaving them for Sam to find.

What Elizabeth could not fathom was why they had wandered into the kitchen to argue in front of her.

Bobby had probably kicked them out of the study and locked the door. His excuse would be that he couldn't get any work done otherwise, but the elder two Winchesters knew the old man wasn't keen on Sam's presence.

The living room was empty. A perfect place to bitch each other out.

_No, they had to come in here and do it in front of me._ Elizabeth thought grumpily. She pressed her hands over the headphones in hopes of drowning out her brothers' voices, but it wasn't working. She stopped the video and glared up at the two men, wondering how to best get their attention. _I'm trying to watch something here. Take it outside._

She unplugged the headphones, turned up the volume, and took the video back to its intro. Smirking to herself, she pressed 'play'.

"_MY LITTLE PONY! MY LITTLE PONY!-_-"

Poured out of the laptop's tiny speakers at an ear splitting volume. Dean shrieked in a combination of horror and surprise. Sam looked positively mortified. Elizabeth let the song carry on a for few seconds to ensure that she had their undivided attention and then stopped it.

"Snark, bitch, growl, snap, bite, piss on a tree to assert my dominance! It hasn't even been twenty four hours and you're already getting at each other's throat for some stupid-ass reason! What is wrong with you two?" Elizabeth bellowed at their shell-shocked faces. "I don't care if this is how you bond! Shut up and do it quietly or I will make you watch _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ and you will like it!"

Dean stuttered. "Y-You're watching-"

"The newest incarnation of _My Little Pony_, yes." Elizabeth confirmed. She readjusted all the volume to its previous level and plugged the headphones back in. "It's cool in the same way that _Powerpuff Girls_ is cool. Now shut up. I still have five episodes to catch up on."

Dean and Sam shared a frightened look. Their sister had never been very 'girly'. She didn't like the frilly foufy stuff, they had never seen her in a dress and she cheered just the same as them when the gore started flying in the slasher movies.

To the boys, _My Little Pony_ was the epitome of all things girly and froufy and Elizabeth had just admitted to liking it.

Elizabeth glanced up.

"Don't look like that, Dean. You adored _Powerpuff Girls_."

"No I didn't!"

"You thought Buttercup was the shit. You loved her."

"Lizard-_-_"

"And you'll probably enjoy _Friendship is Magic_ too. Rainbow Dash has some pretty Buttercuppy vibes-_-_"

"Liz!"

"What? I can hardly be ashamed of liking- _neigh_, loving a show about ponies. And neither should you. This show reaches across age gaps and genders and I wasn't going to watch it last week!" Elizabeth pointed out. "There's something intensely wrong about listening to Pinkie Pie sing cheerfully about cupcakes while my little brother is recovering from Hell! Now if you don't mind, let me enjoy the pretty ponies!"

She restarted the video and clapped her hands over the headphones, still smirking shamelessly at her brothers' dumbfounded expressions (Sam regarding his macho big brother in a new light, Dean in shock from having one his shameful little guilty pleasures unveiled).

* * *

><p>-0-<p> 


	7. Starry Night

**A/N:** This came out schoompier than I intended.

Not sure when this takes place. Definitely before the angst was cranked up to eleven.

So, is there a particular episode you'd like to see re-written to include Elizabeth? Don't say "All of them." That's too broad. But is there any episode in particular? Just the first three seasons, please. I haven't figured out where Elizabeth fits into season 4 and beyond.

**Disclaimer:** I sincerely doubt Eric Kripke would give the boys a sister, so you can safely assume that I'm not Eric Kripke.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Starry Night<span>**

The Montana night sky was endless.

"Cock and balls."

"What?"

"Where?"

Out away from the city lights, the stars were bright and beautiful. The view was always breath-taking and gorgeous. Nothing was better than spending a clear night out under the open sky.

"Right there, see 'em? They're kinda in the middle of the Milky Way."

"Isn't that Sagittarius? Dean, did you just find Sagittarius's penis?"

"Ew, why are you looking a centaur's penis?"

"Hey!"

"I see a pair of boobs."

"I see a giant ass."

"I see an orgy of fat people."

So trust the Winchesters to find pornographic imagery among the constellations.

"Okay!" Dean waved his hands to hush his chattering younger siblings, nearly conking Sam on the nose with the end of his beer bottle. "That's just what I saw! Stop making fun of me! And why are you seeing an orgy of fat people anyways?"

Elizabeth hiccuped. "I think I'm drunk." She hiccuped again. It was a cute, squeaky sound that she only made when she'd had too much to drink.

"Aww, our sister is completely sloshed." Sam crooned. He curled an arm around her shoulders, mostly to make sure she didn't hiccup her way right off the hood of the Impala. Elizabeth tossed her beer bottle to the grass and tried to roll onto her side. She ended up halfway onto Sam's chest and let out a gurgling moan.

"Chick-flick!" Dean called scandalously. "And if she throws up on your shirt..."

"I know." Sam patted his older sister's back sympathetically. Elizabeth could drink the hard liquor like water without painful consequences, but give her the cheap light stuff and she was mostly wasted by her third one.

Dean peered at the label on the beer bottle. "Man, I knew this was the cheap stuff." he grouched. "Guess we're staying here. I don't want Godzilla hurling up in the back seat."

"It's not supposed to rain, at least." Sam pointed out. Cheap beers and raw hangovers made Elizabeth carsick and cranky, so they weren't going anywhere for a while. "Besides, I think she just fell asleep."

Dean glanced over at his sister. Her posture indicated as such, her face slack and her breathing slow. He reached over Sam and pulled the clip out of Elizabeth's hair, then slid off the Impala's hood.

"I'll get the blanket from the trunk."

* * *

><p>-0-<p> 


End file.
